Your current safe boundaries were once unknown frontiers.
This post is part 2 of three-part series about dealing with major life changes.
Surprise, surprise, there is no surprise.
We are always looking for the one secret ingredient to let life changes pass us by quick and painless. Life changes is uncomfortable, and pushes your definition of comfort and boundaries in life. The more you try to push back, the more you will be forced to back down.
Surrender is the only way of joining the wave and get out of it when the tide subsides. In fact, the hardest part of change is not change itself. The hardest part of changes in life is usually the acceptance of your relationship to something is no longer the same.
It can be relationship with yourself, someone you love, something you are familiar with, your source of inspiration and security. I vividly recall the days right after my relationships ended in the past. Nobody could walk away from a heartbreaking situation, unaffected.
The way forward from life changes starts with acceptance. These are different forms of acceptance that worked for me when I dealt with several losses in my life that really gave a heavy hit to my mental state.
1. Acknowledge that you can only influence your actions.
Acceptance is the best attitude to face change. If you don’t accepting an event that has happened, you will never be able to close that door in your mind and getting out of the restless state of mind. Look at “acceptance” as the t’ai chi for your mind.
Our mind is like T’ai chi. It thrives on outside forces and grows best by yielding and stretching itself through an incoming attack. It is the basis of achieving balance for yourself. During the change, you will be surprised by how much stronger than you think you were.
2. Take note of your instincts and gut feelings.
In times of change, you will hear about a lot of chatter and advices from everyone about everything. No one knows you better than yourself. Some advices may intentionally make you doubt yourself.
Some advices will make you cringe. If you trust your instincts and gut feelings, you will be able to tell which advice is the right one for you and take an action.
3. Rebuild new rhythm at your own pace.
Change is present and happening. Give yourself time to get through it. Regardless how physical or invisible the change could be, change will take time to settle and go away.
Allow yourself the time you need to adjust your bearings.You may need to make arrangements. You may need to get used to different way of interacting with people. The more you rush change, the slower change will be.
4. Change is a process, like the water rolling down the river.
If you want to cross the river or avoid the water fall at the very end of river, accept that the river will not go away anytime soon. If you give yourself the time and space for introspection, you will walk away with renewed thoughts on how to cross river alive.
What are the things you would tell yourself in times of change? Where do you draw energy from accepting the impossible?
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